MY TRIP!!!

HI I'm back! Well, today has been a crap day but I did get to talk to my hunny. I also received some pretty great news. If everything goes as planned I will be on a plane in just a few weeks!!! I'm so excited about spending Memorial Day weekend with some of my favoritest people in the world! I'm still working out the dates and details but I feel good about it! I hope that I can surprise him a little but we will see? ;) I may have a few tricks up my sleeve... I talked to him tonight and he seems a little tired but in good spirits, which makes me happy. I miss him. I have alot going on right now though so I'm busy myself. I'm glad of that because it just keeps my mind off of not being with Shay. I'm thinking of going back to school? I feel its a good time because Kolbey will be starting school in September so I will have to be up and out anyway. I'm a little excited, but more scared than anything. I'm a little of a chicken when it comes to school :/ But I'm at least going to look into it. If i can get financial aid them I'm going. I've second guessed myself my entire life and made excuses after excuses about school. So I'm just wishing for the best... I'll keep you posted :)

Inspirational importunity

So, I've always been interested in military movies, even the Holocaust and history. I watched a movie tonight that really took me for a spin. It was called "The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas". I is such a inspirational movie about two 8 year old little boys. My little man will be 4 soon and one of the little boys, Bruno, reminds me so much of Kolbey. He has such an imagination and sees people for who they are in such a innocent way instead of the judgmental ways of today. I don't wan to give the movie away but i will share a trailer which i will say does not do it justice. It has a very different ending then what you probably will think. whether your into holocaust movies or not give it a chance. It will hopefully open your eyes....

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HES MY FRIEND AND MY MAN

IM REALLY MISSING MY MAN BUT I WILL SAY THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE EASIER. :) IM GETTING USED TO THE RANDOM TEXT AND CALLS. IM TRYING TO LOOK AT IT AS AN EXCITEMENT. IM ALWAYS SURPRISED WHEN I HEAR FROM HIM. HE'S IN THE FIELD THIS WEEK AND NEXT SO I THINK I'VE DONE GOOD PREPPING MYSELF FOR THIS. WE HAD A GOOD TALK BEFORE HE LEFT FOR TRAINING AND I HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON US. A POSITIVE ONE! I JUST CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM BUT I DO THINK A LITTLE TIME IN THE FIELD WILL DO US SOME GOOD. HE TEXTED ME SEVERAL TIMES TODAY, HA PROBABLY MORE THAN A TYPICAL WORK DAY AND WAS REALLY SWEET. HES SAID SEVERAL TIMES THAT HE MISSED TALKING TO ME AND HE SENT ME A PICTURE OF HIMSELF. I LOOOOOOVE WHEN HE SENDS ME PICTURES. IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF HIM. BECAUSE WE CAN'T AT THIS POINT HAVE A PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP I ACTUALLY THINK THAT IS A GOOD THING BECAUSE I AM OPENING UP TO HIM MORE AND MORE AND I THINK THE SAME FOR HIM. WE HAVE NOTHING BUT FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS FOR EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE ARE NOT PHYSICAL. HE'S TURNING INTO MY BEST FRIEND. I CANT TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE CHEERING HIM ON. I'LL FOREVER BE HIS CHEERLEADER NO MATTER WHAT. IM SO PROUD OF HIM, I DON'T THINK HE WILL EVER KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH! IM SURE YOU'VE HEARD, BUT SINCE HE'S BEEN IN THE FIELD I WASN'T EXACTLY SURE ON IF HE KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT THE BOSTON BOMBINGS. YESTERDAY AT THE BOSTON MARATHON THERE WERE TWO EXPLOSIONS, KILLING SO FAR 3 AND WOUNDED OVER A HUNDRED. I TOLD HIM ABOUT IT HE KNEW VERY LITTLE. I GUESS WERE A TEAM. WE ARE VERY OPEN WITH ONE ANOTHER AND HE TELLS ME INFO AND I THE SAME. IM STARTING TO REALLY BE FOND OF THE TEAM <3 GOOD NIGHT FOR NOW. HE WASN'T DONE UNTIL AFTER 0300 SO ITS 0112 NOW IM HOPING FOR MY GOOD NIGHT TEXT... ITS NEVER TOO LATE OR TOO EARLY TO HEAR FROM HIM...IM REALLY MISSING MY MAN BUT I WILL SAY THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE EASIER. :) IM GETTING USED TO THE RANDOM TEXT AND CALLS. IM TRYING TO LOOK AT IT AS AN EXCITEMENT. IM ALWAYS SURPRISED WHEN I HEAR FROM HIM. HE'S IN THE FIELD THIS WEEK AND NEXT SO I THINK I'VE DONE GOOD PREPPING MYSELF FOR THIS. WE HAD A GOOD TALK BEFORE HE LEFT FOR TRAINING AND I HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON US. A POSITIVE ONE! I JUST CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM BUT I DO THINK A LITTLE TIME IN THE FIELD WILL DO US SOME GOOD. HE TEXTED ME SEVERAL TIMES TODAY, HA PROBABLY MORE THAN A TYPICAL WORK DAY AND WAS REALLY SWEET. HES SAID SEVERAL TIMES THAT HE MISSED TALKING TO ME AND HE SENT ME A PICTURE OF HIMSELF. I LOOOOOOVE WHEN HE SENDS ME PICTURES. IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF HIM. BECAUSE WE CAN'T AT THIS POINT HAVE A PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP I ACTUALLY THINK THAT IS A GOOD THING BECAUSE I AM OPENING UP TO HIM MORE AND MORE AND I THINK THE SAME FOR HIM. WE HAVE NOTHING BUT FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS FOR EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE ARE NOT PHYSICAL. HE'S TURNING INTO MY BEST FRIEND. I CANT TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE CHEERING HIM ON. I'LL FOREVER BE HIS CHEERLEADER NO MATTER WHAT. IM SO PROUD OF HIM, I DON'T THINK HE WILL EVER KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH! IM SURE YOU'VE HEARD, BUT SINCE HE'S BEEN IN THE FIELD I WASN'T EXACTLY SURE ON IF HE KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT THE BOSTON BOMBINGS. YESTERDAY AT THE BOSTON MARATHON THERE WERE TWO EXPLOSIONS, KILLING SO FAR 3 AND WOUNDED OVER A HUNDRED. I TOLD HIM ABOUT IT HE KNEW VERY LITTLE. I GUESS WERE A TEAM. WE ARE VERY OPEN WITH ONE ANOTHER AND HE TELLS ME INFO AND I THE SAME. IM STARTING TO REALLY BE FOND OF THE TEAM <3 GOOD NIGHT FOR NOW. HE WASN'T DONE UNTIL AFTER 0300 SO ITS 0112 NOW IM HOPING FOR MY GOOD NIGHT TEXT... ITS NEVER TOO LATE OR TOO EARLY TO HEAR FROM HIM...

I BETCHA THOUGHT WE BROKE UP? ;)

HAHA WELL, TRUTH IS ITS BEEN ROCKY BUT WE'RE STILL GOING AT IT! HE IS IN THE FIELD THIS WEEK AND NEXT SO IM SURE I'LL CATCH UP ON MY BLOGGING... HE LEFT YESTERDAY AT 0330 AND I RECEIVED A SWEET TEXT. I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HIM SINCE. HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TAKE HIS PHONE SO HE MAY HAVE HAD IT TAKEN FROM HIM?  I MISS HIM BUT IM GETTING MORE USED TO THE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. AT THE BEGINNING IT WAS PAINFUL. IM TALKING I WOULD RATHER HAVE BEEN BEAT UP THAN WAIT AROUND LIKE A HERMIT IN MY HOUSE WONDERING  ABOUT HIM. LOL BUT NOW IT JUST SEEMS MORE LEVELED OUT. ITS BEEN ALMOST 7 WEEKS SINCE IVE BEEN IN HIS ARMS AND MY GOD IT SEEMS LIKE AN ETERNITY! I'M PLANNING ANOTHER TRIP TO NY TO SEE HIM IN ABOUT 6 WEEKS FOR MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND. I CAN HARDLY WAIT! 

BUT IM AFRAID.... 

REASON IS, BECAUSE ITS BEEN A LITTLE EASIER NOW THAT TIME HAS SETTLED AND NOW IN A FEW WEEKS I'LL BE HEADING BACK UP TO NY. ITS A LITTLE SCARY... I JUST DON'T WANT TO GET SO CAUGHT UP IN THIS LITTLE DREAM? THEN AFTER THE MAY TRIP ILL BE SEEING MY MAN FOR 15 DAYS IN JULY!!!! NOW IM SURE THAT WILL BE THE TEASE! I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN LET HIM GO BACK AFTER THAT! BUT I GUESS EVERY GOOD STORY HAS A TO BE CONTINUED IN IT. MAYBE WHAT SCARES ME MORE IS THAT AFTER JULY, I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN I'LL SEE HIM AGAIN? I LOOSE MY FLIGHT CONNECTIONS IN SEPTEMBER AND HE MAY BE DEPLOYING ANYWHERE FROM SEPTEMBER TO NOVEMBER SO JULY MAY BE OUR LAST CHANCE TO SEE EACH OTHER FOR A WHILE... I SUPPOSE WE WILL SEE HOW IT GOES...

UNTIL NEXT TIME.............

NOT YOU FAIRY TALE LOVE STORY...

THE LAST WEEK OR SO HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN ROCKY FOR MYSELF AND THE BOY. WHERE I LEFT OFF LAST, I WAS HAVING A HARD TIME JUGGLING THE LONELINESS ON THE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. IM STILL IN THAT EMOTION BUT TODAY I WOKE UP WITH A NEW ATTITUDE. WHEN IM TALKING TO HIM ON THE PHONE, SOMETIMES IM SAD BECAUSE HE DOESN'T SEEM HAPPY TO HEAR FROM ME? BUT WHEN I CAN SEE HIS FACE VIA SKYPE, HIS SMIRK MAKES MY ENTIRE DAY BRIGHTER. WHEN I WOKE THIS MORNING. I REALIZED THAT REGARDLESS OF IF WE ARE TOGETHER OR NOT IM NOT GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE STYLE. I WANT TO BE HONEST AND LOYAL. IM NOT SAYING IM A LIAR BUT I JUST WANT TO BE DIFFERENT. I DON'T WANT TO BE UNHAPPY AND I WANT WHATS BEST FOR MY LITTLE MAN. I WANT TO STAY WITH SHAY. HES IMPORTANT TO ME AND HE MAKES ME PROUD. IM HIS CHEERLEADER AND ILL BACK HIM UP 100%. DISTANCE IS HARD FOR BOTH OF US AND WE CAN BOTH FEEL IT PAYING ITS TOLL ON US. I WANT TO SEE HIM IN PERSON SO BAD. I LOOKED AT MY FINANCES TODAY AND IM HOPING BETWEEN MY PROM SESSION TO FLY BACK TO NY FOR A FEW DAYS. I JUST CANT WAIT UNTIL JULY TO SEE HIM. I RECEIVED A LITTLE GOOD NEWS... SHAY MAY NOT BE GOING TO TRAINING THE ENTIRE MONTH OF JUNE. RIGHT NOW I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW IF I COULD HANDLE A ENTIRE MONTH, BUT THEN I THINK OF DEPLOYMENT. I GUESS ILL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN I GET THERE. THE HURTFUL PART HAS BEEN THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE HE MAKES TIME FOR ME. HE SAYS HE HAS A VERY BUSY SCHEDULE AND I BELIEVE HIM. IT WOULD JUST BE SO MUCH EASIER IF I WERE THERE. I WISH I COULD TAKE THE SUMMER OFF AND TAKE KOL WITH ME BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE I STAY WITH MY BESTIE AND AS OF JULY 10TH SHES REPORTING TO FORT STEWART. LORD I WISH SHAY WOULD MOVE TO STEWART!!! I DON'T WANT TO PUSH IT ON HIM OR MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE I WANT HIM THERE BUT I COULD SEE HIM WEEKENDS AND FOUR DAYS ECT. IT WOULD BE GREAT AND I COULD STAY WITH JADA. WELL I GUESS IT DOESN'T HURT TO WISH? HES MENTIONED IT A FEW TIMES BUT NOW DOESN'T TALK ABOUT IT MUCH. SOMETIMES I THINK MAYBE HE DOESN'T THINK WE WILL WORK OUT THEN HE'LL BE STUCK IN GEORGIA FURTHER AWAY FROM HIS FAMILY. BUT I KNOW IT WOULD BE AMAZING IF HE WERE CLOSER. I GET SO LONELY HERE. ITS NOT A PHYSICAL LONELY, ITS A EMOTIONAL LONELINESS. I THINK IM ADJUSTING A LITTLE MORE EACH DAY BUT NO MATTER WHAT IM STRONG AND AS LONG AS HE WILL HAVE ME IM UP FOR THE CHALLENGE. I WOULD LOVE TO SURPRISE HIM IN NY BUT WITH HIS CRAZY SCHEDULE I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT IT. MAYBE ILL THINK ON THAT??? I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO SEE HIS FACE! IN PERSON THAT IS ;) WHEN WE GO OUT ON OUR OWN, ITS AMAZING. I FEEL LIKE I SEE A SIDE OF HIM THAT NO ONE ELSE SEES. I SUPPOSE ITS LIKE CHIPPING OFF THE ICE. BUT WORKING ON HIM 800 MILES AWAY IS DIFFICULT. HE SAYS HE KNOWS HES GOING TO SPEND HIS LIFE ALONE, HE'LL DIE ALONE, AND THAT HE GETS BORED OR ALWAYS MESSES IT UP. I HOPE NONE OF THOSE PLAYS A FACTOR AND I HOPE I GET TO PROVE HIM WRONG. 

UNTIL NEXT TIME,

<3 KELLIE