FILTERED...

HAVE I EVER MENTIONED IM A ONLY CHILD AND A PASTORS DAUGHTER? OK ENOUGH SAID..... LOL IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! THE PRESSURE WAS ALWAYS ON ME. OF COURSE I GOT EVERYTHING I WANTED BUT I HAVE ALWAYS HAD TO LIVE LIFE IN SECRET OR FILTERED. FOR ONCE I WOULD LOVE TO WAKE UP AND BE ME 100000% HAVE NO FILTER JUST BE ME. WHATEVER I WANT TO DO JUST DO! ME AND MY DAD GOT INTO A HUGE FIGHT TODAY OVER THE STUPIDEST THING BUT THE PART IM MORE PISSED OVER IS THAT HE STILL TREATS ME LIKE A CHILD. IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY... IM THINKING I SHOULD MORE TO ALASKA?!???!!!!!??? GRR

trouble in paradise?

TO BE CONT....

SHAY FINALLY STARTED TEXTING ME AND WAS DIGGING TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME. IT MADE ME HAPPY FOR HIM TO ACT LIKE HE REALLY CARES. I HONESTLY THINK HE WAS A LITTLE WORRIED WHEN I TOLD HIM I WAS HAVING ALOT OF MIXED EMOTIONS. HE ASSURED ME THAT I NEVER WAIST HIS TIME AND HE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT ME, I STILL WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT MYSELF ALOT BUT I DO FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. HE SAID THAT RUMOR IS THAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY HEADING BACK TO BASE TOMORROW! (ACTUALLY TODAY BC ITS 0057) SO IM EXCITED ABOUT THAT BUT IM NOT GOING TO GET MY HOPES UP BECAUSE I KNOW HOW THAT CAN GO. THE ARMY MEANS CONSTANT CHANGES, YOU CANT PLAN FOR ANYTHING! BUT HOPEFULLY HE'LL GET HOME AT A DECENT HOUR AND ILL GET TO SEE HIM ON SKYPE <3 THAT WOULD MAKE MY DAY OR WEEK! MY BESTIES HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE IN HER "PARADISE". SHE FOUND OUT SOME INTERESTING AND HURTFUL THINGS TODAY AND I CANT WAIT TO TALK TO SHAY ABOUT IT. HE'S MY BEST FRIEND, I FEEL LIKE I CAN TALK TO HIM ABOUT ANYTHING AND I REALLY NEED A FRIEND TO CONFIDE IN RIGHT NOW. SO UNTIL NEXT TIME <3 ILL KEEP YA POSTED!!!

one of those days...

WELL IF YOU READ MY POST FROM LAST NIGHT NIGHT, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IVE BEEN A LITTLE OVER EMOTIONAL LATELY. WELL I CANT HELP IT LOL BUT LAST NIGHT I NEVER GOT A GOOD NIGHT TEXT FROM SHAY AND I FINALLY WENT TO BED AROUND 0230 A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED. OK I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK THAT IM INCONSIDERATE AND SELFISH BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I FEEL WHEN I RE READ THIS BUT I WILL EXPLAIN THAT I DO UNDERSTAND HE'S EXHAUSTED. HE'S FREEZING. HES HAD LACK OF SLEEP, ELECTRICITY AND EVERYTHING ELSE FOR OVER A WEEK NOW. I DON'T WANT WANT TO TALK ABOUT ME WHEN HE ASK HOW IM DOING I ONLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM BECAUSE I WANT HIM TO FOCUS ON HIS MISSION OR TRAINING INSTEAD OF WHATS GOING ON WITH ME. I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW COMPLICATED THIS ALL WAS AND HOW HARD IT REALLY IS. IM JUST A MILITARY GIRLFRIEND. THAT IS ALL. IM NOT A ARMY WIFE OR FAMILY TO ANYONE IN THE ARMY. SO THAT MAKES ME A LITTLE BIT OF AN OUTSIDER I GUESS THAT'S SAFE TO SAY. I SAY THE WRONG THINGS SOMETIMES. I DON'T THINK I EVER WILL LEARN ALL THE TERMS AND ABBREVIATIONS  OR THE DIFFERENT BRIGADES  TROOPS, ECT LOL I KNOW I SOUND DEFEATED BUT HOPEFULLY WHEN I SEE HIS FACE THIS WEEK VIA SKYPE EVERYTHING WILL LIGHTEN. SO AS YOU KNOW I ASKED HIM IF I WAS SMOTHERING HIM. IN THE BEGINNING BEFORE I HAD LEARNED HIM A BIT I WOULD TEXT HIM AND IT WOULD TAKE HIM SEVERAL HOURS TO RESPOND SO I WOULD TEXT ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE AND THAT DROVE HIM CRAZY! HE TOLD MY BESTIE THAT I DON'T GIVE HIM TIME TO RESPOND. LOL WELL NOW THAT IVE LEARNED HIM A LITTLE MORE I TRY TO STAY ON TRACK. SO LAST NIGHT I ASKED HIM IF I WAS SMOTHERING HIM BECAUSE HES JUST BEEN ACTING A LITTLE DIFFERENT MAYBE ITS BECAUSE HES BEEN IN THE FIELD BUT SOMETHING JUST SEEMS OFF? SO I ASK ABOUT THE SMOTHERING AND HE RESPONDS, "I DON'T THINK ITS SMOTHERING. I THINK ITS YOU WANTING TO KNOW HOW I AM DOING AND WHAT IM DOING. I WILL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT WHEN I GET HOME". NOW WITH THAT SAID I WAS A LITTLE HURT? IM NOT SURE IF I SHOULD BE BUT MAYBE IM READING INTO IT A LITTLE DEEPER THAN I SHOULD. I RESPONDED, "ILL JUST WAIT FOR YOU TO CONTACT ME WHEN YOU WANT TO FROM NOW ON". HE ASKED WHY IM BEING SO DOWN? I TOLD HIM THERE'S JUST ALOT GOING ON WITH ME RIGHT NOW AND ALOT OF MIXED EMOTIONS. 

I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME? I THINK A LOT OF IT IS THAT MY BESTIES MOVING TO FORT STEWART. THAT WAS A SHOCK AND THATS WHAT I WANTED AT ONE POINT BUT NOW IM JUST MIXED. WITH HER LEAVING I CANT VISIT EVERYONE AT ONCE? IF SHE LEAVES DRUM I WONT HAVE ANYONE TO STAY WITH WHEN I VISIT SHAY. I THINK IM PULLING AWAY BECAUSE IM AFRAID. IM AFRAID OF WHAT I CANT CONTROL. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SEE THEM ALL AND US BE ONE BIG HAPPY "FAMILY" WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER. IT WILL BE ALOT MORE EXPENSIVE. WHEN I GO TO DRUM NOW I WILL HAVE TO FIND A HOTEL AND THEN I FOUND OUT THIS WEEK THAT MY AIRLINE CONNECTION IS BEING CUT OFF IN SEPTEMBER! I PAY $140 ROUND TRIP TO GO TO NY NOW IT WILL BE $400-500 SO MY RANDOM FUN TRIPS ARE PRETTY MUCH OVER. HES THINKING ABOUT RELOCATING POSSIBLY TO STEWART WHICH WOULD BE AMAZING BUT I DON'T WANT HIM TO DO IT FOR ME? I DO AND I DON'T  HE LOVES DRUM. BUT ITS HARDER TO MOVE UP IN RANK THERE SO HONESTLY HE NEEDS TO GET OUT. IF THEY BOTH RELOCATED TO STEWART I COULD VISIT ON THE WEEKENDS SOME AND HE COULD COME HERE ON A FOUR DAY? ITS ABOUT A 4 1/2 HOUR DRIVE FROM MY HOUSE. IT SEEMS GREAT IN THOUGHT BUT THE MOS HE WANTS WOULD HAVE TO BE AVAILABLE AS WELL. I GUESS IVE BEEN PONDERING ALL THIS ALL WEEK WITHOUT GETTING TO REALLY TALK TO HIM AND ITS MAKING ME NERVOUS. JUST SECOND GUESSING ALOT. HE MAY ALSO GET OUT OF DEPLOYMENT IF HE GOES TO STEWART. WHICH IM LIKE HECK YEA BUT HES NOT SO MUCH LIKE THAT. I DO UNDERSTAND ITS HIS JOB AND IM BLESSED AND THANKFUL FOR HIS COURAGE. 

AT 0729 HE TEXT ME THIS MORNING WITH A GOOD MORNING LOVE. I SEEN IT BUT I DIDN'T RESPOND :/ IM HAVING A PITY PARTY WITH MYSELF AND I KNOW "AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT" BUT IM TRYING TO SHAKE IT. AND TEN MIN AGO I RECEIVED A "HEY, WHATS UP BABE?" I WANT TO RESPOND, I REALLY DO BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. IM LOOKING AT HIS EASTER BOX ACROSS THE ROOM THAT HASN'T BEEN SEALED OR ADDRESSED. ITS 1414 AND I HAVEN'T HAD A SHOWER, LOOK A HOT MESS, STILL IN MY PJS, AND I NEED TO GO TO WALMART AND FINISH FILLING HIS BOX AND HAVE IT SENT BEFORE 5 SO HE WILL RECEIVE IT BEFORE THE WEEKEND. :/ I REALLY DONT WANT TO SEND IT. AM I SMOTHERING HIM, AM I NOT? IF HE GETS A EASTER BOX WILL HE THINK ITS CHILDISH? KOL DECORATED IT AND LOVED IT? IM JUST GOING TO SEND THE DAMN THING AND IF HE HATES THEN HE CAN BURN IT! :) THERE I GO AGAIN BEING EMOTIONAL! HAHA WELL IVE LOOKED AT HIS TEXT FOR 15 MIN I THINK IM GOING TO ANSWER HIM? ILL KEEP YA POSTED ;)

POOR FELLAS EXHAUSTED

I JUST DONT KNOW?

IM HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME TONIGHT! IM REALLY MISSING THA BOY AND ITS STARTING TO GET TO ME. I KNEW THIS WOULD BE HARD. I DID, BUT I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH. I THINK THE HARDEST PART IS THAT HES NOT DEPLOYED HES JUST IN THE FIELD TRAINING ***ALOT*** LATELY! THEY ARE TRAINING FOR DEPLOYMENT SO THERE WILL BE ALOT MORE TRAINING  BEFORE IT GETS BETTER, IF IT EVER GETS BETTER? 

SINCE ITS THE WEEKEND AND ITS RAINED ALL WEEKEND, MYSELF AND THE LITTLE MAN HAVE BEEN STUCK IN THE HOUSE:( WHICH MAKES TIME GO BY SOOOOO SLOW. SHAY IS SUPPOSED TO BE BACK IN THE BARRACKS THURSDAY NIGHT HOPEFULLY. I WILL ADMIT MY FEELINGS WERE A LITTLE HURT TONIGHT. HES BEEN IN THE COLD, SNOWY FIELD SINCE 0400 LAST SATURDAY AND HE GOT A FEW HOURS TO GO BACK TO THE BARRACKS TODAY AND SHOWER, REST, ECT. HE WENT BACK SHOWERED, DID LAUNDRY, AND SLEPT UNTIL TIME TO REPORT BACK TO GO TO THE FIELD. HE NEVER CALLED ME OR TEXTED ME OR ANYTHING. I THINK ABOUT HIM 24/7 AND HE DOESN'T TAKE THE TIME OUT TO JUST SHOOT ME A TEXT? I DIDN'T FIND OUT THAT HE GOT TO GO BACK UNTIL HE WAS ALREADY IN THE FIELD AGAIN. THERE'S OTHER THINGS ON MY MIND AS WELL SO I GUESS YOU COULD SAY IM STRUGGLING A LITTLE. I FEEL LIKE IM A BIT LOST AND IM TRYING TO FIND MYSELF AND WHATS BEST FOR MYSELF, SHAY, AND KOLBEY.

KOLBEY LOVES MAKING SHAY THINGS, PAINTINGS, CARDS, LETTERS ECT. HE THINKS ITS THE COOLEST THING TO GO TO THE POST OFFICE AND MAIL SHAY GOODIES WITH HIS SPECIAL STAMPS. WE MAILED HIM A LEPRECHAUN MADE OUT OF KOLBEYS HAND PRINT, I SENT HIM JUST A LITTLE SNAIL MAIL TO SHOW HIM I CARE AND THEN WE SENT HIS BAHAMA GOODIES THAT WE GOT HIM WHILE WE WERE ON OUR CRUISE. NOW, SINCE WE HAVE BEEN STUCK IN THE HOUSE ALL WEEKEND AND TOMORROW TOO.. WE MADE HIM A EASTER GOODIE BOX. IM AFRAID IM SENDING TOO MUCH? BUT EVERYTHING I LISTED IS THE FIRST TIME IVE SENT HIM ANYTHING? GRRR THIS IS SO IRRITATING  WELL ANYWAYS, IM SENDING THE BOX BECAUSE KOLBEY HAS POURED HIS HEART AND SOUL INTO IT AND IM NOT TELLING HIM THAT ITS NOT GOING TO THE POST OFFICE LOL. WE MADE A CUTE SCENE ON THE INSIDE OF THE BOX. BLUE SKIES, FLUFFY COTTON FOR CLOUDS. CUTE GRASS (ACTUALLY MADE OUT OF THE SAME MATERIAL MY FLOWERS WERE WRAPPED IN WHEN HE HAD THEM DELIVERED), AND LITTLE MINI EASTER EGGS HIDDEN IN THE GRASS MADE OUT OF KOLS FINGERPRINTS! I THINK ITS SUPER CUTE! KOL LOVES IT AND WE FILLED IT WITH EASTER GRASS AND EGGS FILLED WITH THA BOYS FAVORITE CANDY. SO I GUESS HE'LL HAVE LOTS TO OPEN WHEN HE GETS BACK! LOL LIKE IT OR NOT

HAHA HE HAS PAINT ALL OVER HIS HANDS AND FEET! THOSE AREN'T BRUISES LOL

a little fun shoot

I HAD A LITTLE FUN TODAY! I DID A SEXY ME SHOOT STARRING MYSELF! IM NOT USED TO BEING IN FROM OF THE CAMERA, IM ALWAYS BEHIND IT BUT I WILL SAY I HAD AN AMAZING TIME! MY MAN'S IN THE FIELD, AND I WAS BORED SO WHY NOT HAVE A GIRLS DAY?!? I WILL SAY THE EXPERIENCE WAS WONDERFUL AND REFRESHING AND IM LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING ANOTHER ONE SOON!

SNEAK PEAK...

FLIGHT PASS

I FOUND OUT FROM MY CLIENT THAT STARTING IN SEPTEMBER THAT THE AIRLINE THAT SHE WORKS FOR IS MERGING WITH ANOTHER AND WE CAN NO LONGER GET BUDDY PASSES!!! :( I WAS DEVASTATED! THAT MEANS THIS IS ANOTHER STUMBLING BLOCK IN MINE AND MY MANS JOURNEY. 

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND DIDN'T HAVE A GOOD MORNING TEXT FROM SHAY, OR A GOOD AFTERNOON. I WAS A LITTLE DOWN, BUT I KNOW HE'S TRAINING PRETTY INTENSE RIGHT NOW. I WAS SITTING ON THE COUCH ABOUT TO GO TO BED WHEN I RECEIVED A TEXT! IT WAS HIM! HE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN I REALLY NEED HIM. I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE PASSES AND ALL HE SAID WAS ITS OK BABE, WE WILL WORK SOMETHING OUT. IT SHOCKS ME HOW CAREFREE HE CAN BE AND HOW CALMING. I COULD DEFINITELY GET USED TO IT:) IM HOPING THAT HE CARES ABOUT ME AS MUCH AS I CARE FOR HIM AND THAT IM NOT IN JUST A DREAM....

DECISIONS DECISIONS

LORD, I MISS MY MAN SOOO MUCH! HE'S IN THE FIELD FOR TWO WEEKS, HES ALREADY COMPLETED ONE OF THEM BUT I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO SEE HIM. IF I HAD MY CHOICE, ID BE WAITING ON HIM WHEN HE GOT HOME BUT OUR SMALL PROBLEM IS... I LIVE IN NORTH CAROLINA AND HE LIVES IN NEW YORK. HE IS STATIONED AT FORT DRUM, MY BEST FRIEND AND HER HUSBAND ARE STATIONED THERE AS WELL. I FEEL PRETTY MUCH ALONE HERE BUT SHOULDN'T .. WE ALL HAVE OUR STORIES.. BLAH BLAH BUT I GUESS BECAUSE THIS IS MY PAGE I CAN SHARE MINE ;)
IM 24 YEARS OLD AND HAVE BEEN THREW MORE THAN MOST OLDER ADULTS HAVE IN A LIFE TIME. IM AN ONLY CHILD, PASTOR DAUGHTER, DIVORCEE, SINGLE MOTHER OF A WILD THREE YEAR OLD, 2 NEEDY DOGS AND ABOUT 12 FISH.. GIVE OR TAKE LOL. IM A SPUNKY LIL HAIR STYLIST AND TRAVELING MAKEUP ARTIST FOR ESTEE' LAUDER. I HAVE BEEN TO PAUL MITCHELL THE SCHOOL, KINGS COLLEGE, AND CLEVELAND COMMUNITY COLLEGE. I AM LICENSED IN THE STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA IN COSMETOLOGY AND HOLD MY MED TECH CERTIFICATION. MY PARENTS LIVE ABOUT 15 MIN FROM ME, MY JOB 30 MIN. EVERYTHING'S PRETTY GOOD BUT THERE IS TWO VERY IMPORTANT THINGS MISSING. MY SOLDIER IS IN NEW YORK AND I AM HERE. I MISS HIM SOOOO MUCH. MY BEST FRIEND IS ALSO THERE AND I MISS HER TO THE MOON AND BACK. THEY BOTH MEAN THE WORLD TO ME! I JUST WISH I COULD BE CLOSER!
MY BESTIE JADA RECEIVED NEW ORDERS THAT SHE WILL POSSIBLY BE MOVING TO GEORGIA. BEFORE WHEN WE HAD TALKED ABOUT IT I WAS SOOOO EXCITED, BUT THAT WAS BEFORE SHAY(MY BOYFRIEND), CAME INTO MY LIFE. HE ACTUALLY TOLD ME FIRST ABOUT HER ORDERS. HE TOLD ME VIA SKYPE AND WAS SURPRISED AT MY REACTION. I WAS HAPPY FOR A QUICK SECOND. HER MOVING TO FORT STEWART MEANS THAT I COULD COME DOWN SOME ON THE WEEKEND AND VACA MORE. BUT IT ALSO MEANS THAT MY NEW YORK VISITS COULD BE SLIMMER. BEFORE I WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT HER MOVING BUT NOW IM REALLY BUMMED. I STAY WITH HER WHEN I VISIT NY AND GET THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS. I GET TO SEE AND SPEND TIME WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND HER FAMILY AND I GET TO SEE MY MAN. WITHOUT HER LIVING THERE, I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN SEE SHAY? JADA ALWAYS PICKS ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT AND I STAY WITH HER BECAUSE SHAY LIVES IN THE BARRACKS. SO MY MIND IS IN MIXED EMOTIONS. I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING TO BE WITH THEM BOTH. SHAY HAS TALKED ABOUT TRYING TO RELOCATED TO FORT STEWART WHICH WOULD BE AMAZING, BUT IM TORN AGAIN BECAUSE I LOVE FORT DRUM AND I KNOW HE DOES TOO. AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I GUESS ITS NOT UP TO ME ANYWAYS. IM JUST A HOMETOWN, SOUTHERN GIRL. ITS NOT MY LIFE IM TALKING ABOUT ITS THEIRS. I GUESS TIME WILL TELL, BUT EVERYONE KNOWS THIS GIRL IS ONE IMPATIENT MOMMA! BUT I GUESS LESSON ONE IN MY ARMY LIFESTYLE CHANGE IS THAT NOTHING IS SET IN STONE AND IT CAN CHANGE AT ANYTIME... :/ IM TRYING

MISSING HIM:/

MEMORIES OF MY GRAM...

I LOST MY GRAM, WHO WAS MY GRAMMY, NEIGHBOR, BOSS, AND BEST FRIEND IN 2011 TO A TRAGIC CAR ACCIDENT. ILL GO INTO DETAIL BECAUSE I USE THIS BLOG AS A JOURNAL AS WELL. 

I WAS LYING IN BED WITH MY LITTLE BOY AND HEARD SIRINGS WHICH WAS NOT UNCOMMON BECAUSE WE LIVE NEAR A FIRE DEPARTMENT.  I WENT BACK TO SLEEP BECAUSE IM NOT AN EARLY PERSON, AND THEN STARTED HEARING DOORS SHUT. I LOOKED OUT MY BEDROOM WINDOW AND SEEN A RED TRUCK IN MY GRAMS YARD AND FIRE TRUCKS. SO I GRABBED SOME CLOTHES AND BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE DOOR A LADY WAS BEATING ON MY FRONT DOOR. WHEN I FINALLY FOUND MY KEYS SHE WAS GONE AND THEN STARTED BEATING ON MY BEDROOM WINDOW. SHE MOTIONED FOR ME TO HURRY AND COME OUTSIDE. 

I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN...

I WENT OUTSIDE AND SHE WAS SCREAMING, BY THAT TIME AMBULANCES WERE THERE. I SAID WHATS WRONG AND I LAUGHED AND SAID LISTEN LADY MY GRAM ISN'T GOING TO BE MAD THAT YOU TORE UP HER YARD :) SHE THEN WHILE SCREAMING SAID I NEED TO KNOW YOUR NEIGHBORS NAME?

I SAID WHY? I PROMISE SHE WONT BE MAD? SHE SAID YOUR NEIGHBOR WAS HIT BY THAT TRUCK. I NERVOUSLY STARTING LAUGHING AND SAID NO, CANT BE, SHE SHOULD ALREADY BE GONE TO WORK. I LEFT HER STANDING THERE AND WALKED TO THE END OF MY DRIVE TO SEE IF HER CAR WAS GONE FROM HER DRIVEWAY. MY ENTIRE WORLD COLLAPSED WHEN I SEEN HER LITTLE RED CAR IN HER DRIVE. I FELT LIKE THE WORLD WAS SPINNING. 

AS FIRST RESPONDERS WERE STILL ARRIVING A FAMILIAR FACE PULLED UP ON A MOTORCYCLE AND HE WAS IN A FD OUTFIT. I CALLED OUT HIS NAME AND HE STARTED WALKING TOWARD ME. I CALLED OUT AS HE WAS WALKING "IS IT REALLY HER"? HE THEN REALIZED WHERE HE WAS?.. HE SAID "OH GOD KELLIE, LET ME GO FIND OUT". HE WAS FRIENDS GROWING UP WITH MY DAD SO HE KNEW MY GRAM SINCE HE WAS A KID, HE ALSO WENT TO HER CHURCH.  WHEN I SEEN HIS FACE WHEN HE WAS RETURNING TO ME, I KNEW SHE WAS GONE. I KNEW IT WAS HER. THE ONLY GRAM I HAD LEFT, MY BEST FRIEND WAS GONE...

HE CAME TO ME AND I STARTED QUESTIONING HIM, HE TOLD ME THAT HE DIDN'T KNOW MUCH BUT IT WAS HER AND HE WAS VERY UPSET. I ASKED IF SHE WAS DEAD AND HE SAID HE COULDN'T TELL. HE KNEW THAT SHE WAS BECAUSE EMS WASN'T WORKING ON HER. THEN I FLIPPED OUT BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS STANDING AROUND AND WOULDN'T HELP HER. HE ASK ME IF I HAD CALLED ANYONE YET, THEN I REMEMBERED I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT KNEW.

I CALLED MY DAD FIRST AND DIDN'T GET AN ANSWER. THEN CALLED MY UNCLE SCOTT. I REMEMBER SAYING SCOTT THIS IS KELLIE, HE SAID HE KELLIE WHATS UP? I SAID GRAM IS DEAD. THAT'S ALL I COULD SAY. HE SAID OMG IM SO SORRY KELLIE. I KNEW THEN HE DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS HIS NIECE, AND THAT HIS MOTHER WAS DEAD. I SAID SCOTT THIS IS KELLIE YOUR NIECE! THEN HE IMMEDIATELY SCREAMED "MY MOMMA"!!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THOSE WORDS. THEY HAUNT ME TO THIS DAY. HE TOLD ME IT WOULD BE ABOUT 45 MIN UNTIL HE COULD GET THERE. SO I TRIED CALLING MY DAD AGAIN HE ANSWERED, HE HAD BEEN IN THE SHOWER, AND HE SAID HEY BABY GIRL WHY ARE YOU UP SO EARLY? I JUST STARTED SCREAMING! WHICH SCARED HIM AND HE SCREAMED YOU BETTER TALK TO ME. I TOLD HIM THAT GRAM WAS HIT BY A TRUCK. HE STARTED CRYING AND SAID IS SHE DEAD? I DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL HIM. I SAID I WASN'T SURE. HE LEFT AND WAS ON HIS WAY. I TRIED CALLING MY GODMOTHER WHO WAS MY GRAMS NEIGHBOR BUT HAD JUST MOVED AND DIDN'T GET AN ANSWER. THEN I STOOD THERE THINKING IM ALL ALONE. IM DOING THIS ALL ALONE I CANT GET IN TOUCH WITH ANYONE. AS I LOOKED UP THE HILL I SEEN MY GODMOTHER RUNNING TOWARD ME. IT MAKES ME CRY THINKING OF SEEING HER FACE. THEY HAD BLOCKED ALL THE ROADS SO SHE HAD TO RUN TO MY HOUSE. SHE KEPT TRYING TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE SCENE BUT ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS IT WAS HOT AND MY GRAM WAS STILL LYING ON THE ROAD UNDER THE TRUCK. IT KILLED ME. REPORTERS WANTED TO TALK TO ME AND POLICE AND IT WAS JUST A BLUR. THE LADY THAT KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND WINDOW CAME TO ME AND SAID HOW SORRY SHE WAS FOR TELLING ME THE WAY SHE DID AND THAT SHE HAD NO IDEA THAT I WAS HER GRAND DAUGHTER. I ASK HER WHAT HAPPEN. SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS TOLD HE SEEN HER AND HE THOUGHT SHE SEEN HIM AND SHE CONTINUED TO WALK INTO THE ROAD AND HE HAD A DELAYED REACTION. ILL NEVER FORGET HER SAYING HE SAID SHE WENT TO A FETAL POSITION AND HE HIT HER. SHE WAS PINNED UNDER HIS TRUCK AND FINALLY CAME TO A STOP HALF IN THE ROAD AND HALF IN MY SIDE YARD. WHEN THE LADY THAT KNOCKED PULLED UP HE WAS TRYING TO CALL THE POLICE BUT COULDN'T DIAL THE NUMBER. SHE WAS A REGISTERED NURSE SO SHE IMMEDIATELY RAN AND CHECKED MY GRAMS PULSE AND SAID SHE WAS ALREADY GONE. 

MY ONLY PRAYER IS THAT SHE DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING. I HAVE A HARD A HARD TIME KNOWING SHE CROUCHED TO A FETAL POSITION BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SHE WAS SCARED. AT HER FUNERAL, THE PREACHER PREACHED THAT WHEN SHE WALKED OUT INTO THAT ROAD THAT SHE WALKED INTO THE GATES OF HEAVEN. THAT GAVE ME A LITTLE PEACE... I MISS HER MORE THAN EVER. SEEING MY LITTLE BOY GROW UP BREAKS MY HEART KNOWING THAT HE WONT KNOW HER LIKE I DID. AFTER TWO YEARS SOMEONE FINALLY BOUGHT HER HOUSE AND IM GLAD IT TOOK THAT LONG BECAUSE I NEEDED TO COME TO TERMS BUT NOW I FEEL A LITTLE MORE SETTLED THINKING A FAMILY LIVES THERE. THERE WAS ALOT OF MEMORIES IN THAT HOUSE. BUT I HAVE TO REMEMBER, HOUSES DON'T MAKE MEMORIES, PEOPLE DO. 

MY GRAM HAD 4 AMAZING, HARD HEADED BOYS. ONE HAD PASSED BEFORE SHE DIED. SHE HAD RETIRED FROM JOHN DEER AND HAD OPENED HER OWN BUSINESS CALLED THE CUP AND SAUCER TEAROOM AND FINE GIFTS INC. I LOVE HER AND MISS HER EVERYDAY BUT I HOLD ON TO THE GREAT PRICELESS MOMENTS I REMEMBER ABOUT HER AND I KEEP HER ALIVE IN MY HEART AND MY LITTLE BOYS.

MARY ALICE ARMSTONG...
COOKING AT THE TEAROOM

HER DREAM

OUT FOR MY BIRTHDAY

AT KOLBEYS DEDICATION

WHEN KOL WAS BORN, THE FIRST TIME SHE SEEN HIM. SHE WAS SUCH A GOOF LOL

THE COUSINS WITH GRAM. WHEN WE WERE KIDS.. IM ON FAR RIGHT

THIS WAS MY MOM, ME :), AND GRAM WHEN I WAS A BABY

THE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP BEGINS....

AND THE FUN BEGINS...
IT HAS NOW BEEN 20 DAYS SINCE I HAVE SEEN MY SOLDIER IN PERSON :( OUR RELATIONSHIP CONSIST OF SKYPING, FACEBOOKING, TEXTING, AND VOXING. NO MATTER HOW WE COMMUNICATE, I ENJOY IT EVERY TIME  HE HAS BEEN TRAINING ON AND OFF, MOSTLY ON, SINCE IVE BEEN HOME. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME HOME FRIDAY NIGHT AND I GOT A SURPRISE CALL FROM HIM WHILE I WAS TRAVELING OUT OF TOWN ON THURSDAY. HE WAS GETTING TO COME HOME EARLY  THAT MEANS SKYPE NIGHT!!! <3 I WAS SOOO EXCITED! SO WE GOT TO SKYPE THURSDAY NIGHT AND FRIDAY BUT TODAY HE HAD TO BE BACK IN THE FIELD AT 0400. I WOKE UP THIS AM TO THE EVERY DAY GOOD MORNING TEXT AND HEARD A HORN OUTSIDE. I WALKED OUT AND IT WAS MY UPS MAN HONKING BECAUSE HE WAS SCARED OF MY DOGS! LOL LONG STORY SHORT, MY MAN HAD SENT ME FLOWERS!!! SHOWING LOVE TO THE CAROLINAS FROM NEW YORK!
A WHILE BACK HE HAD ASKED ME WHAT MY FAVORITE FLOWER WAS AND WHY? I REPLIED A DAFFODIL BECAUSE I LOVE YELLOW, IT WAS ALSO MY GRAMS FAVORITE COLOR AND IT SHOWS SIGNS OF SPRING WHICH IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR. WHEN I OPENED MY PACKAGE, I HAD A DOZEN YELLOW, BEAUTIFUL, DAFFODILS  MY MAKES ME FEEL AMAZING! WHAT A SWEETHEART TO THINK ABOUT ME WHILE HES BUSY BETWEEN TRAINING:)))) I THINK IM HEARTING THAT BOY;)
YESTERDAY, MYSELF AND MY LITTLE MAN, KOLBEY, PAINTED A PICTURE FOR SHAY. WE MADE A Leprechaun OUT OF KOLS HAND PRINT AND FOUR LEAF CLOVERS WITH HIS THUMB! HE THINKS SKYPING WITH SHAY IS EXTRA FUN AND LOVES MAILING HIM PRIZES. KOL HAS HIS OWN PIXAR BOOK OF STAMPS WITH ALL HIS FAVORITE CHARACTERS AND HE LOVES SENDING THEM TO SHAY. I SENT A NECKLACE THAT I BOUGHT FOR HIM. IT IS HALF OF A DOG TAG AND IT READS, " MAY THE LORD WATCH BETWEEN YOU AND ME WHILE WE ARE APART." GENESIS 31:49
SO I SENT HIM ONE PIECE AND IM WEARING THE OTHER. I HOPE HE WILL LOVE IT!

THE FLOWERS MY SWEETHEART SENT ME<3

CRUISE BLUES

I WENT ON A CRUISE TWO DAYS AFTER FLYING HOME FROM NEW YORK AND I MISSED HIM SO MUCH I WAS MISSRIBLE. WE KEPT IN CONTACT SOME THAT WEEK AND THE NEXT BY EMAIL BUT IT WAS LIMITED BC HE WAS TRAINING. I TRIED TO MAKE THE BEST OUT OF THE TRIP BUT I WANTED NOTHING MORE BUT TO BE WITH HIM.

NOT GOODBYE... IT'S CYA SOON

OUR GOODBYE WAS HORRIBLE... SUNDAY NIGHT I KNEW I WOULD HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE BECAUSE SHAY HAD TRAINING THE ENTIRE WEEK AND IT STARTED AT 3AM MONDAY SO I KNEW SUNDAY WAS THE DAY :( I COULDNT BELIEVE HOW MUCH I HAD FELL FOR HIM, MY HEART WAS BROKEN. AT 6PM MYSELF AND MY BESTIE JADA BROKE DOWN! SHAY HELD ME FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE HOURS... I JUST COULDNT GET IT TOGETHER. HE FINALLY TOLD ME HE COULDNT LEAVE ME LIKE THAT AND HE WAS STAYING WITH ME UNTIL HE HAD TO GO TO WORK! I WAS SOOO HAPPY BUT IT WAS JUST POSTPONING THE ENEVITABLE. WE HAD A GREAT NIGHT WITH FRIENDS THEN STAYED UP TALKING ALL NIGHT. AT 0230 HE LEFT, AND I WATCHED HIM WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE. WHEN I WOKE UP THAT MORNING HE HAD LEFT ME HIS LAPTOP AS A SUPRISE. I WAS ON CLOUD NINE! HES SUCH A SWEETHEART. HE SAID HE WANTED TO BE ABLE TO SKYPE AND TALK TO ME AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE SO HE LEFT IT FOR ME.... I WAS SO EMOTIONAL THAT I MISSED MY FLIGHT AND ENEDED UP ON THE PM FLIGHT WHICH ENDED UP BEING PRETTY PEACEFUL... I HAD A LOT OF TIME TO THINK.

MY FAVORITE DAY WITH MY SOLDIER

THE DAY BEFORE I LEFT TO GO HOME, SHAY TOOK ME ON A MEMORABLE ADVENTURE, THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET. HE TOOK ME TO A PLACE CALLED SACKETS HARBOR AND ITS RIGHT ON LAKE ONTARIO. WE WENT ALONE, IT WAS COLD BUT BEAUTIFUL! I SET THE CAMERA UP ON A PICNIC TABLE AND LET IT DO ITS MAGIC! 

LAKE ONTARIO COMPLETELY FROZEN

SILLY

MY FAVORITE PICTURE

THE BEAUTIFUL TOWN OF WATERTOWN!

SOME PHOTOS OF WATERTOWN NY... SHAY TOOK ME ON A PHOTO DAY JUST TO SHOOT SOME LOCAL BEAUTIES BC HE KNOWS I LOVE TO TAKE PICS!