one of those days...

WELL IF YOU READ MY POST FROM LAST NIGHT NIGHT, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IVE BEEN A LITTLE OVER EMOTIONAL LATELY. WELL I CANT HELP IT LOL BUT LAST NIGHT I NEVER GOT A GOOD NIGHT TEXT FROM SHAY AND I FINALLY WENT TO BED AROUND 0230 A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED. OK I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK THAT IM INCONSIDERATE AND SELFISH BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I FEEL WHEN I RE READ THIS BUT I WILL EXPLAIN THAT I DO UNDERSTAND HE'S EXHAUSTED. HE'S FREEZING. HES HAD LACK OF SLEEP, ELECTRICITY AND EVERYTHING ELSE FOR OVER A WEEK NOW. I DON'T WANT WANT TO TALK ABOUT ME WHEN HE ASK HOW IM DOING I ONLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM BECAUSE I WANT HIM TO FOCUS ON HIS MISSION OR TRAINING INSTEAD OF WHATS GOING ON WITH ME. I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW COMPLICATED THIS ALL WAS AND HOW HARD IT REALLY IS. IM JUST A MILITARY GIRLFRIEND. THAT IS ALL. IM NOT A ARMY WIFE OR FAMILY TO ANYONE IN THE ARMY. SO THAT MAKES ME A LITTLE BIT OF AN OUTSIDER I GUESS THAT'S SAFE TO SAY. I SAY THE WRONG THINGS SOMETIMES. I DON'T THINK I EVER WILL LEARN ALL THE TERMS AND ABBREVIATIONS  OR THE DIFFERENT BRIGADES  TROOPS, ECT LOL I KNOW I SOUND DEFEATED BUT HOPEFULLY WHEN I SEE HIS FACE THIS WEEK VIA SKYPE EVERYTHING WILL LIGHTEN. SO AS YOU KNOW I ASKED HIM IF I WAS SMOTHERING HIM. IN THE BEGINNING BEFORE I HAD LEARNED HIM A BIT I WOULD TEXT HIM AND IT WOULD TAKE HIM SEVERAL HOURS TO RESPOND SO I WOULD TEXT ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE AND THAT DROVE HIM CRAZY! HE TOLD MY BESTIE THAT I DON'T GIVE HIM TIME TO RESPOND. LOL WELL NOW THAT IVE LEARNED HIM A LITTLE MORE I TRY TO STAY ON TRACK. SO LAST NIGHT I ASKED HIM IF I WAS SMOTHERING HIM BECAUSE HES JUST BEEN ACTING A LITTLE DIFFERENT MAYBE ITS BECAUSE HES BEEN IN THE FIELD BUT SOMETHING JUST SEEMS OFF? SO I ASK ABOUT THE SMOTHERING AND HE RESPONDS, "I DON'T THINK ITS SMOTHERING. I THINK ITS YOU WANTING TO KNOW HOW I AM DOING AND WHAT IM DOING. I WILL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT WHEN I GET HOME". NOW WITH THAT SAID I WAS A LITTLE HURT? IM NOT SURE IF I SHOULD BE BUT MAYBE IM READING INTO IT A LITTLE DEEPER THAN I SHOULD. I RESPONDED, "ILL JUST WAIT FOR YOU TO CONTACT ME WHEN YOU WANT TO FROM NOW ON". HE ASKED WHY IM BEING SO DOWN? I TOLD HIM THERE'S JUST ALOT GOING ON WITH ME RIGHT NOW AND ALOT OF MIXED EMOTIONS. 

I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME? I THINK A LOT OF IT IS THAT MY BESTIES MOVING TO FORT STEWART. THAT WAS A SHOCK AND THATS WHAT I WANTED AT ONE POINT BUT NOW IM JUST MIXED. WITH HER LEAVING I CANT VISIT EVERYONE AT ONCE? IF SHE LEAVES DRUM I WONT HAVE ANYONE TO STAY WITH WHEN I VISIT SHAY. I THINK IM PULLING AWAY BECAUSE IM AFRAID. IM AFRAID OF WHAT I CANT CONTROL. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SEE THEM ALL AND US BE ONE BIG HAPPY "FAMILY" WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER. IT WILL BE ALOT MORE EXPENSIVE. WHEN I GO TO DRUM NOW I WILL HAVE TO FIND A HOTEL AND THEN I FOUND OUT THIS WEEK THAT MY AIRLINE CONNECTION IS BEING CUT OFF IN SEPTEMBER! I PAY $140 ROUND TRIP TO GO TO NY NOW IT WILL BE $400-500 SO MY RANDOM FUN TRIPS ARE PRETTY MUCH OVER. HES THINKING ABOUT RELOCATING POSSIBLY TO STEWART WHICH WOULD BE AMAZING BUT I DON'T WANT HIM TO DO IT FOR ME? I DO AND I DON'T  HE LOVES DRUM. BUT ITS HARDER TO MOVE UP IN RANK THERE SO HONESTLY HE NEEDS TO GET OUT. IF THEY BOTH RELOCATED TO STEWART I COULD VISIT ON THE WEEKENDS SOME AND HE COULD COME HERE ON A FOUR DAY? ITS ABOUT A 4 1/2 HOUR DRIVE FROM MY HOUSE. IT SEEMS GREAT IN THOUGHT BUT THE MOS HE WANTS WOULD HAVE TO BE AVAILABLE AS WELL. I GUESS IVE BEEN PONDERING ALL THIS ALL WEEK WITHOUT GETTING TO REALLY TALK TO HIM AND ITS MAKING ME NERVOUS. JUST SECOND GUESSING ALOT. HE MAY ALSO GET OUT OF DEPLOYMENT IF HE GOES TO STEWART. WHICH IM LIKE HECK YEA BUT HES NOT SO MUCH LIKE THAT. I DO UNDERSTAND ITS HIS JOB AND IM BLESSED AND THANKFUL FOR HIS COURAGE. 

AT 0729 HE TEXT ME THIS MORNING WITH A GOOD MORNING LOVE. I SEEN IT BUT I DIDN'T RESPOND :/ IM HAVING A PITY PARTY WITH MYSELF AND I KNOW "AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT" BUT IM TRYING TO SHAKE IT. AND TEN MIN AGO I RECEIVED A "HEY, WHATS UP BABE?" I WANT TO RESPOND, I REALLY DO BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. IM LOOKING AT HIS EASTER BOX ACROSS THE ROOM THAT HASN'T BEEN SEALED OR ADDRESSED. ITS 1414 AND I HAVEN'T HAD A SHOWER, LOOK A HOT MESS, STILL IN MY PJS, AND I NEED TO GO TO WALMART AND FINISH FILLING HIS BOX AND HAVE IT SENT BEFORE 5 SO HE WILL RECEIVE IT BEFORE THE WEEKEND. :/ I REALLY DONT WANT TO SEND IT. AM I SMOTHERING HIM, AM I NOT? IF HE GETS A EASTER BOX WILL HE THINK ITS CHILDISH? KOL DECORATED IT AND LOVED IT? IM JUST GOING TO SEND THE DAMN THING AND IF HE HATES THEN HE CAN BURN IT! :) THERE I GO AGAIN BEING EMOTIONAL! HAHA WELL IVE LOOKED AT HIS TEXT FOR 15 MIN I THINK IM GOING TO ANSWER HIM? ILL KEEP YA POSTED ;)

POOR FELLAS EXHAUSTED