the LIFE of a Military (now) WiFe... the JOYS, TEARS, AND OVERWHELMING PRIDE: MEMORIES OF MY GRAM...

I LOST MY GRAM, WHO WAS MY GRAMMY, NEIGHBOR, BOSS, AND BEST FRIEND IN 2011 TO A TRAGIC CAR ACCIDENT. ILL GO INTO DETAIL BECAUSE I USE THIS BLOG AS A JOURNAL AS WELL.

I WAS LYING IN BED WITH MY LITTLE BOY AND HEARD SIRINGS WHICH WAS NOT UNCOMMON BECAUSE WE LIVE NEAR A FIRE DEPARTMENT. I WENT BACK TO SLEEP BECAUSE IM NOT AN EARLY PERSON, AND THEN STARTED HEARING DOORS SHUT. I LOOKED OUT MY BEDROOM WINDOW AND SEEN A RED TRUCK IN MY GRAMS YARD AND FIRE TRUCKS. SO I GRABBED SOME CLOTHES AND BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE DOOR A LADY WAS BEATING ON MY FRONT DOOR. WHEN I FINALLY FOUND MY KEYS SHE WAS GONE AND THEN STARTED BEATING ON MY BEDROOM WINDOW. SHE MOTIONED FOR ME TO HURRY AND COME OUTSIDE.

I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN...

I WENT OUTSIDE AND SHE WAS SCREAMING, BY THAT TIME AMBULANCES WERE THERE. I SAID WHATS WRONG AND I LAUGHED AND SAID LISTEN LADY MY GRAM ISN'T GOING TO BE MAD THAT YOU TORE UP HER YARD :) SHE THEN WHILE SCREAMING SAID I NEED TO KNOW YOUR NEIGHBORS NAME?

I SAID WHY? I PROMISE SHE WONT BE MAD? SHE SAID YOUR NEIGHBOR WAS HIT BY THAT TRUCK. I NERVOUSLY STARTING LAUGHING AND SAID NO, CANT BE, SHE SHOULD ALREADY BE GONE TO WORK. I LEFT HER STANDING THERE AND WALKED TO THE END OF MY DRIVE TO SEE IF HER CAR WAS GONE FROM HER DRIVEWAY. MY ENTIRE WORLD COLLAPSED WHEN I SEEN HER LITTLE RED CAR IN HER DRIVE. I FELT LIKE THE WORLD WAS SPINNING.

AS FIRST RESPONDERS WERE STILL ARRIVING A FAMILIAR FACE PULLED UP ON A MOTORCYCLE AND HE WAS IN A FD OUTFIT. I CALLED OUT HIS NAME AND HE STARTED WALKING TOWARD ME. I CALLED OUT AS HE WAS WALKING "IS IT REALLY HER"? HE THEN REALIZED WHERE HE WAS?.. HE SAID "OH GOD KELLIE, LET ME GO FIND OUT". HE WAS FRIENDS GROWING UP WITH MY DAD SO HE KNEW MY GRAM SINCE HE WAS A KID, HE ALSO WENT TO HER CHURCH. WHEN I SEEN HIS FACE WHEN HE WAS RETURNING TO ME, I KNEW SHE WAS GONE. I KNEW IT WAS HER. THE ONLY GRAM I HAD LEFT, MY BEST FRIEND WAS GONE...

HE CAME TO ME AND I STARTED QUESTIONING HIM, HE TOLD ME THAT HE DIDN'T KNOW MUCH BUT IT WAS HER AND HE WAS VERY UPSET. I ASKED IF SHE WAS DEAD AND HE SAID HE COULDN'T TELL. HE KNEW THAT SHE WAS BECAUSE EMS WASN'T WORKING ON HER. THEN I FLIPPED OUT BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS STANDING AROUND AND WOULDN'T HELP HER. HE ASK ME IF I HAD CALLED ANYONE YET, THEN I REMEMBERED I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT KNEW.

I CALLED MY DAD FIRST AND DIDN'T GET AN ANSWER. THEN CALLED MY UNCLE SCOTT. I REMEMBER SAYING SCOTT THIS IS KELLIE, HE SAID HE KELLIE WHATS UP? I SAID GRAM IS DEAD. THAT'S ALL I COULD SAY. HE SAID OMG IM SO SORRY KELLIE. I KNEW THEN HE DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS HIS NIECE, AND THAT HIS MOTHER WAS DEAD. I SAID SCOTT THIS IS KELLIE YOUR NIECE! THEN HE IMMEDIATELY SCREAMED "MY MOMMA"!!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THOSE WORDS. THEY HAUNT ME TO THIS DAY. HE TOLD ME IT WOULD BE ABOUT 45 MIN UNTIL HE COULD GET THERE. SO I TRIED CALLING MY DAD AGAIN HE ANSWERED, HE HAD BEEN IN THE SHOWER, AND HE SAID HEY BABY GIRL WHY ARE YOU UP SO EARLY? I JUST STARTED SCREAMING! WHICH SCARED HIM AND HE SCREAMED YOU BETTER TALK TO ME. I TOLD HIM THAT GRAM WAS HIT BY A TRUCK. HE STARTED CRYING AND SAID IS SHE DEAD? I DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL HIM. I SAID I WASN'T SURE. HE LEFT AND WAS ON HIS WAY. I TRIED CALLING MY GODMOTHER WHO WAS MY GRAMS NEIGHBOR BUT HAD JUST MOVED AND DIDN'T GET AN ANSWER. THEN I STOOD THERE THINKING IM ALL ALONE. IM DOING THIS ALL ALONE I CANT GET IN TOUCH WITH ANYONE. AS I LOOKED UP THE HILL I SEEN MY GODMOTHER RUNNING TOWARD ME. IT MAKES ME CRY THINKING OF SEEING HER FACE. THEY HAD BLOCKED ALL THE ROADS SO SHE HAD TO RUN TO MY HOUSE. SHE KEPT TRYING TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE SCENE BUT ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS IT WAS HOT AND MY GRAM WAS STILL LYING ON THE ROAD UNDER THE TRUCK. IT KILLED ME. REPORTERS WANTED TO TALK TO ME AND POLICE AND IT WAS JUST A BLUR. THE LADY THAT KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND WINDOW CAME TO ME AND SAID HOW SORRY SHE WAS FOR TELLING ME THE WAY SHE DID AND THAT SHE HAD NO IDEA THAT I WAS HER GRAND DAUGHTER. I ASK HER WHAT HAPPEN. SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS TOLD HE SEEN HER AND HE THOUGHT SHE SEEN HIM AND SHE CONTINUED TO WALK INTO THE ROAD AND HE HAD A DELAYED REACTION. ILL NEVER FORGET HER SAYING HE SAID SHE WENT TO A FETAL POSITION AND HE HIT HER. SHE WAS PINNED UNDER HIS TRUCK AND FINALLY CAME TO A STOP HALF IN THE ROAD AND HALF IN MY SIDE YARD. WHEN THE LADY THAT KNOCKED PULLED UP HE WAS TRYING TO CALL THE POLICE BUT COULDN'T DIAL THE NUMBER. SHE WAS A REGISTERED NURSE SO SHE IMMEDIATELY RAN AND CHECKED MY GRAMS PULSE AND SAID SHE WAS ALREADY GONE.

MY ONLY PRAYER IS THAT SHE DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING. I HAVE A HARD A HARD TIME KNOWING SHE CROUCHED TO A FETAL POSITION BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SHE WAS SCARED. AT HER FUNERAL, THE PREACHER PREACHED THAT WHEN SHE WALKED OUT INTO THAT ROAD THAT SHE WALKED INTO THE GATES OF HEAVEN. THAT GAVE ME A LITTLE PEACE... I MISS HER MORE THAN EVER. SEEING MY LITTLE BOY GROW UP BREAKS MY HEART KNOWING THAT HE WONT KNOW HER LIKE I DID. AFTER TWO YEARS SOMEONE FINALLY BOUGHT HER HOUSE AND IM GLAD IT TOOK THAT LONG BECAUSE I NEEDED TO COME TO TERMS BUT NOW I FEEL A LITTLE MORE SETTLED THINKING A FAMILY LIVES THERE. THERE WAS ALOT OF MEMORIES IN THAT HOUSE. BUT I HAVE TO REMEMBER, HOUSES DON'T MAKE MEMORIES, PEOPLE DO.

MY GRAM HAD 4 AMAZING, HARD HEADED BOYS. ONE HAD PASSED BEFORE SHE DIED. SHE HAD RETIRED FROM JOHN DEER AND HAD OPENED HER OWN BUSINESS CALLED THE CUP AND SAUCER TEAROOM AND FINE GIFTS INC. I LOVE HER AND MISS HER EVERYDAY BUT I HOLD ON TO THE GREAT PRICELESS MOMENTS I REMEMBER ABOUT HER AND I KEEP HER ALIVE IN MY HEART AND MY LITTLE BOYS.