NOT YOU FAIRY TALE LOVE STORY...

THE LAST WEEK OR SO HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN ROCKY FOR MYSELF AND THE BOY. WHERE I LEFT OFF LAST, I WAS HAVING A HARD TIME JUGGLING THE LONELINESS ON THE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. IM STILL IN THAT EMOTION BUT TODAY I WOKE UP WITH A NEW ATTITUDE. WHEN IM TALKING TO HIM ON THE PHONE, SOMETIMES IM SAD BECAUSE HE DOESN'T SEEM HAPPY TO HEAR FROM ME? BUT WHEN I CAN SEE HIS FACE VIA SKYPE, HIS SMIRK MAKES MY ENTIRE DAY BRIGHTER. WHEN I WOKE THIS MORNING. I REALIZED THAT REGARDLESS OF IF WE ARE TOGETHER OR NOT IM NOT GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE STYLE. I WANT TO BE HONEST AND LOYAL. IM NOT SAYING IM A LIAR BUT I JUST WANT TO BE DIFFERENT. I DON'T WANT TO BE UNHAPPY AND I WANT WHATS BEST FOR MY LITTLE MAN. I WANT TO STAY WITH SHAY. HES IMPORTANT TO ME AND HE MAKES ME PROUD. IM HIS CHEERLEADER AND ILL BACK HIM UP 100%. DISTANCE IS HARD FOR BOTH OF US AND WE CAN BOTH FEEL IT PAYING ITS TOLL ON US. I WANT TO SEE HIM IN PERSON SO BAD. I LOOKED AT MY FINANCES TODAY AND IM HOPING BETWEEN MY PROM SESSION TO FLY BACK TO NY FOR A FEW DAYS. I JUST CANT WAIT UNTIL JULY TO SEE HIM. I RECEIVED A LITTLE GOOD NEWS... SHAY MAY NOT BE GOING TO TRAINING THE ENTIRE MONTH OF JUNE. RIGHT NOW I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW IF I COULD HANDLE A ENTIRE MONTH, BUT THEN I THINK OF DEPLOYMENT. I GUESS ILL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN I GET THERE. THE HURTFUL PART HAS BEEN THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE HE MAKES TIME FOR ME. HE SAYS HE HAS A VERY BUSY SCHEDULE AND I BELIEVE HIM. IT WOULD JUST BE SO MUCH EASIER IF I WERE THERE. I WISH I COULD TAKE THE SUMMER OFF AND TAKE KOL WITH ME BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE I STAY WITH MY BESTIE AND AS OF JULY 10TH SHES REPORTING TO FORT STEWART. LORD I WISH SHAY WOULD MOVE TO STEWART!!! I DON'T WANT TO PUSH IT ON HIM OR MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE I WANT HIM THERE BUT I COULD SEE HIM WEEKENDS AND FOUR DAYS ECT. IT WOULD BE GREAT AND I COULD STAY WITH JADA. WELL I GUESS IT DOESN'T HURT TO WISH? HES MENTIONED IT A FEW TIMES BUT NOW DOESN'T TALK ABOUT IT MUCH. SOMETIMES I THINK MAYBE HE DOESN'T THINK WE WILL WORK OUT THEN HE'LL BE STUCK IN GEORGIA FURTHER AWAY FROM HIS FAMILY. BUT I KNOW IT WOULD BE AMAZING IF HE WERE CLOSER. I GET SO LONELY HERE. ITS NOT A PHYSICAL LONELY, ITS A EMOTIONAL LONELINESS. I THINK IM ADJUSTING A LITTLE MORE EACH DAY BUT NO MATTER WHAT IM STRONG AND AS LONG AS HE WILL HAVE ME IM UP FOR THE CHALLENGE. I WOULD LOVE TO SURPRISE HIM IN NY BUT WITH HIS CRAZY SCHEDULE I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT IT. MAYBE ILL THINK ON THAT??? I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO SEE HIS FACE! IN PERSON THAT IS ;) WHEN WE GO OUT ON OUR OWN, ITS AMAZING. I FEEL LIKE I SEE A SIDE OF HIM THAT NO ONE ELSE SEES. I SUPPOSE ITS LIKE CHIPPING OFF THE ICE. BUT WORKING ON HIM 800 MILES AWAY IS DIFFICULT. HE SAYS HE KNOWS HES GOING TO SPEND HIS LIFE ALONE, HE'LL DIE ALONE, AND THAT HE GETS BORED OR ALWAYS MESSES IT UP. I HOPE NONE OF THOSE PLAYS A FACTOR AND I HOPE I GET TO PROVE HIM WRONG. 

UNTIL NEXT TIME,

<3 KELLIE